Committed reltionships 2

'For the right joining in marriage is the work of the Lord only, and not the priests or magistrates- for it is God's ordinance and not man's and therefore Friends cannot consent that they should join them together: for we marry none, it is the Lord's work, and we are but witnesses.'

George Fox, 1669 from Quaker Faith and Practice on line

In many ways it would be tempting to set aside any dependence on the State whatsoever. The State is constitutionally entwined with the Church of England: we are at least in name and law a 'Denominational State' and in that sense we are but guests. My reasons, if I were to approach marriage now would be that I wanted the 'state bit' for legal reasons. If I die as I type this my partner as my wife and my son will automatically benefit from my pension. This is much the position offered by civil partnership. Civil partnership is however a state that is denied to Heterosexual couples...if I wished to join formally at a Registry Office then it would be Marriage and there can be no equality in this until the law is change. We first approached this problem in 1653 I think, and we have contended with other churches and the state from time to time ever since.

George Fox was braver than I, he refused what was offered by the State and was therefore in law an adulterer. Many Friends followed his example but others took the legal route ( I am not sure if this was additional to a Quaker Marriage). This was their choice as led. Whilst I am won over that to be legally married in Meeting is for me something I might lay to one side, I would not wish to force this view on other couples, this remains for them to decide. To try to enforce my own view on others is not how the Friend is led. However to raise a query would seem useful. This is much the way that we deal with alcohol :'40. In view of the harm done by the use of alcohol, tobacco and other habit-forming drugs, consider whether you should limit your use of them or refrain from using them altogether. Remember that any use of alcohol or drugs may impair judgment and put both the user and others in danger.' So we might ask 'In view of the hurt and inequality inherent in marriage consider whether you wish to be part of the state apparatus in Meeting.'

Well if I carry on I shall be repetitious or worse miss breakfast.

Committed Relationships

I write as the proud father of a Gay daughter who delights in joy she finds in relationships, who outwardly laughs in the face of the adversities she faces: and secretly cry at the discrimination she faces. That she can not marry in the eyes of the state and in the context of our a Gathered Meeting seems just as wrong as the situation faced by Friends in 1653 when the State did not allow marriage within Meetings.

My understanding of origins of the Quaker marriage certificate were that all signed because this made it administratively difficult to imprison those officiating at an illegal marriage. So my first point is that we have been here before and we have achieved successful outcomes in contention with a State that may well have been more intransigent than today.

For my second point: I am in little doubt in my own mind that we could and should marry couples in Gathered Meeting just as we have always done, regardless of mortal laws. This is our established custom and generally in the Meetings where I have listened this seems very much to be the mind of the Meeting. However there is not complete unity in this and I know some Friends in the UK and many many Friends overseas find this difficult.

One of my concerns is that this voice needs to be heard: it is our way to listen, but we can not listen properly or carefully if voices are swept under the carpet as it were. This surely stops the Light from shining.

My third point is that we are asked to consider whether we should abandon our current links with state in the case of hetro marriages in the name of equality. It would seem to be strange and not our way to force others into a position and abandoning Quaker marriage (with a Registrar) would be doing exactly this.

Individual Friends may decide of their own volition to Marry without a registrar, and we should consider allowing this. Friends may also consider abandoning the word 'wife' or 'husband' in their day to day usage, using partner or life partner instead. However is see little value in relinquishing the position that Early Friends worked hard to establish. Particularly so since, if we used a civil procedure for a hetro relationship it would still be termed marriage.

So 2 concerns:

First that there a voices of Ffriends that need to be heard and

Secondly that we should not abandon the gains we have made thus far. What do you think?

Thine Les

Tuesday

Morning Session- I learn so much in these Meetings, looking at the way Clerks Clerk in particular. So I try to 'listen' to the Meeting as if I was Clerk, maybe that is what we should all be doing all the time: but discernment is hard work. Was it me or did I hear the Gathered Meeting clearly say 'We are concerned te Yearly Meeting in general, and this session in particular, is missing the Central issues we need to address which are 'Concern for the environment and the recession.' Mention was made that this is likely to come up later (i.e. Friday as led I presume). 'How fares the Truth' it fareth poorly hid behind great busyness' ? Maybe that is unkind but it is how I thought the Meeting was minded.

Environment and recession-

We have not really looked at the link between these two. The hard fact is that we need to recede-it seems that there is great concern that our economy is shrinking. But this is one of the ways in which we can achieve a lower carbon footprint. Are we then addressing actively the management of contraction. If we no longer have so much work what do we do with the time. It is my contention that Ffriends have much to offer here. The answer lies in Simplicity and the fact that less is more. Simplicity is fun, or at least it can be. Id we approach lower wages and lower employment with a creative and open mind this raising of quality of life whilst having a drop in our 'standard of living' is achievable and we know how to do this: it is something we are good at. Equality- more than ever we need equity, contraction in the economy creates 'winners and losers': how do we address this balance. Simplicity is more fun when others are playing the same game.

Well time is up and I must get ready for a walk come rain or shine Wednesday is upon us.

Well I am having trouble keeping up here. Two highlights for me yesterday were groups.

The first was looking at social media, this was in the context of 'Creating Community' by Jennifer Barraclough. One of her points was that community and place were linked together. I suppose my answer would be a cautious yes, but only if we account for virtual spaces. In our group we heard a powerful account form someone who had 'Aspergers' and found the way into the social world came through online contacts and friends. It is a shame we did not really get round to thinking hard about the nature of our online identities and how the develop. To me this can fundamentally rob us of our abilities to be prejudiced.

The second was a group looking at Clerking. Are Clerks Leaders of Servants? It is so useful for me to sit and talk with others who do the same thing and encounter the same problems. For some this might not be the most riveting area but for those who end up sitting at Table it can be quite dominant in their lives. I wish we had more sessions like this.

There is a last comment here for anyone who is grumbling about tickets. Think carefully about how you can protect parents, who have to care for their children, the needs of less physically able Gatherers and those who come for the day. I have heard a lot of complaints but few suggestions as to an alternative. I have heard of someone who gave her ticket (to an oversubscribed group she really wanted to go to) to another who was feeling lost and left out. I know of a lot of people who are now standing back and waiting to see where there are activities that are being underused. Do you follow the Light in this or do you follow the devices of your own will?

I was to overcome to write up last night: what a day.

We started with a Yoga class: he was very kind and at pains to show we could do this without sitting on the floor. Indeed the class was so popular the floor space was limited. The wide choice of events is a wonderful advance on the old system.

Then on to Breakfast having prised Dear Son from his bed (we hardly saw him for the rest of the day, off with the 12-15 doing something.

After a well developed MfW (hurrah for the Clerks who remained standing for the last 15 minutes thereby silencing some of the excessive Ministry that can occur in MfW with 1500 participants). What remains in my mind is the notion of 'perfection'. The perfect part of me is perhaps the bit I know the least well, yet surely that is the part of me that is Light and that with which I should be most familiar. Many of us are not good at accepting Perfection wherever it might be.

Then to the first YM Session. The usual essential nominations business then a relevant and succinct. What remains in my mind is that just turning up even with little or nothing to bring, really matters. You can not, we are often told, get something for nothing. Yet this is exactly part of what is offered by The Light. There is much more about this here.

After that there was lunch and then I went to the Copenhagen Summit discussion. Now part of my motivation was to inform myself since I shall be Clerking business on this. Much to my surprise, looking at YM in Session agenda it appears that this summit is not happening and I assume thought of little import to Friends. I am now upholding Clerks hooping it will have space on Friday. It is possibly one of the last chances of saving Human Life as we know it. For more see here. So much is articulated by so many but for me it is about Simplicity, and particularly how rich, colourful and fun Simplicity can be.What do you think the distinct Quaker Voice might be on this?

We then went on to African Choir. Stunning and vastly larger than expected. We heard how Quakers in Kenya have responded to the unrest in their country and about the distinct was Quakers in Kenya worship. How the same songs are sung by many different churches, but in a lot of different ways. Quakers sing slow and thoughtful, others sing the same tune and words fast and clappy. Hopefully today there will be enough words to go round.

Salter Lecture- absolutely spoke to my condition. This is why simplicity is so 'right' and why it can be fun. This is forward thinking supported by peer reviewed research. I am so short of time right now Yoga looms for a little more see this Gurniad review

End of the day singing again, my interests are revealing themselves. Now to today.

Well end of Day one for me at YMG. A week about community and communication. Really the Network is all about this and we should certainly be connected. We were well reminded of the cost of community, that we have to give up something of ourselves and our own desires, leaving the will of the individual and finding the will of the Light.

Looking at the ranks of Young Firends, and thinking of those excluded form coming becasue we did not make sufficient provision for them and feeling the loss: we miss you. Looking at my grey haired Freinds meeeting with barely percptable nods....but then what a din when we talked with each other. The power of 1500 Frinds stilled and stayed.

SO grateful to those that have worked for us to make this happen: so grateful to be here.